(no subject)
May. 7th, 2017 10:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
polomonkeyI don't know how to be in fandom without Aggy.
She was the one who brought me into Chatzy and coaxed me into getting involved and sent me messages of support. Without her I wouldn't have done the ACBB, or any other fest. I wouldn't have met any of my fandom friends. I wouldn't have had people to talk to when I was low or give me advice when I needed it. And I probably wouldn't have moved on from Merlin by now, without all these links to sustain me.
I can't repay her for what she did for me. I also can't wrap my head around the fact that she's gone. I can't go back in Chatzy because people are talking about other things (and that's their right and some of them didn't even know her and they're doing nothing wrong) but I don't want to talk about other things. I don't everything to move on without her like she was never here.
And I don't understand why she died and I'm guilty I didn't spend more time with her. It was her birthday recently and I was planning a fic for her. But other things were going on and I kept thinking I'll get around to this soon, there's plenty of time. And now there isn't.
She was the one who brought me into Chatzy and coaxed me into getting involved and sent me messages of support. Without her I wouldn't have done the ACBB, or any other fest. I wouldn't have met any of my fandom friends. I wouldn't have had people to talk to when I was low or give me advice when I needed it. And I probably wouldn't have moved on from Merlin by now, without all these links to sustain me.
I can't repay her for what she did for me. I also can't wrap my head around the fact that she's gone. I can't go back in Chatzy because people are talking about other things (and that's their right and some of them didn't even know her and they're doing nothing wrong) but I don't want to talk about other things. I don't everything to move on without her like she was never here.
And I don't understand why she died and I'm guilty I didn't spend more time with her. It was her birthday recently and I was planning a fic for her. But other things were going on and I kept thinking I'll get around to this soon, there's plenty of time. And now there isn't.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2017-05-07 11:12 pm (UTC)Some chatzy people did talk about it. Several were heartbroken. But yes, chatzy will continue going on with other topics, both because not everyone knew her or they don't know what to say, or just because life goes on, heedless of the grief of others. I understand why you would want to avoid that, though I hope you know that we love you and would do our best to support you. (Even if we don't know how... I don't know how and don't want to make things worse and I know it doesn't really help, but hugs and hugs and hugs for you)
I could imagine feeling awful not finishing the story, not talking... I'm sure she knew that you loved her, even with those things. I'm not sure what your views on a potential afterlife are, but even without, it might help to finish them? Write the story, compose the letters/emails? I don't know anything really, though.
I've had this strange feeling that you would be so sad that you would go away from us and never come back. Just know we love you and will always be here for you if you need us. It's not the same, I know, but it's still a reality. (I would send you sweet messages everyday, but I think you'd probably be sick of them so my anxiety says not to. But I happily would if it would help and not be an irritation.)
It almost seems disrespectful to Aggy to say, "please feel better soon". Be as sad as you need to be. But I hope there will be peace for you in the not too distant future. 💗
Hugs💗💗💗